Nothing Left to Give | Setting Boundaries
Countless hours of my time, Access to my resources, my expertise, distraction from my own work and goals to focus on theirs. I gave fulfillment of their dreams, loyalty, trust, friendship, and a different perspective. These are all things I gave and they took.
All conversations were consumed with talk of them -- goals, dreams, aspirations, wants, and needs. Even when I was finally talking about me, I rarely felt that they were listening. I did hear them though...even long after they stopped speaking.
FaceTime, calls, emails, and text messages abounded morning, noon, and night when my days were spent assisting them with their projects and when I was lending a helping hand. Once they got what they needed and a little attention from their accomplishments, those were in the wind. Often they do say "I couldn't have done it without you." I guess that counts for something. Right?
I've mentioned a few times "I need you to be a better lover or friend." Even though they almost always reply, "I understand", it's rarely through action.
How many times have you heard, "Thank YOU for always being there for ME." How can people not see that while you give them what they need, your plate is empty?
"The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better."
Have you ever found yourself in this same situation? Feeling drained, used, and disappointed when what you gave someone was not given back to you? Are you currently going out of your way for someone that fails time after time to do the same?
Let's face it, the world is full of "takers" who, if you let them, will bleed you dry of time, energy, and resources. When it is your nature to pour into others most times the light that you shine on someone else may not come back to you. That is the reality.
Keep your eyes open for these signs:
Your energy decreases when you are around them or after spending time with them
You are always doing the accommodating and the re-arranging to meet their needs
When there is something you want to do that interest you, they're busy or already have "plans"
What they took the last time is still missing
You always say "You're welcome" but never get to utter the "Thank You"
What I've learned is that as a giver, I need to be with a man and around friends that also care enough to pour into me. We need to be fountains of light consistently finding ways to give the other what they need. I deserve to be with a man that is so into me that he works just as hard to give to me. I need to be spoiled while I am in return doing some spoiling. I need friends who I am not always checking on, but who also check on me. Friends that also reach out and make plans to see what I have been up to and to see if there is anything that I need.
Be strategic and careful about those that you let into your life. When it is in you to give of yourself to others, you can be left feeling drained and resentful when you surround yourself with too many "takers". Protect your spirit and your energy. Set boundaries and limits and keep your eye out for the signs that confirm when to eliminate someone that is only taking from your life and not adding to it. And never ever be afraid to make it clear to someone what your needs are or let them know when they are not being met.
There are some truly amazing people in this world. When you stop being consumed with the wrong ones, the right ones will appear.